I Miss You
by RoxyFoxy
Summary: Ever since that day at your place, I've missed you so bad. I wish this letter would truly explain how I feel, but they won't and I know you'll probably just end up throwing this out without reading it. "Would I be out of line if I said I miss you?
1. When I'm around you

_Made me laugh, how we were so close, almost like we were jointed at the hip. How close we use to be, and how far apart we are now. I've never loved a guy some much in my life, it was different than all the others feelings and emotions I've felt. It was so scary to feel, but at the same time made me feel so much better. We liked each other from afar, always lingering near each other, always having things to say. We'd always play jokes on people, and make fun which seemed almost like your favorite past time. To be honest, my surroundings, almost everything didn't matter anymore except you. My heart filled with happiness, beaming each and every time I was near you, feeling my heart skipping a beat as stupid as it sounds. I always played the tough, sometimes rude, funny girl that was pretty much unpredictable. But with you, my walls fell down, and so did I.

* * *

_

_You made my stomach twist in knots, and made me laugh when basically your jokes weren't as funny as I realize now. But you never really realized how much affect you had on me. My eyes sparkled with delight, and there was never one day back then something could go wrong. Until you broke my heart, and left me in pieces. I know it was stupid to hand you this letter after this has been already done and over with. It's been at least a year and a half, and knowing you you'll tear it or burn it to shreds But I could never say it now how I feel to you. Now were nothing to each other and I wish it wasn't that way._

_I remember walking from school with your hands linked in mine, feeling myself getting swept off my feet, you telling me about your crazy adventures with your friends that plastered a smile on my face. Talking about everything, and anything. I never felt so loved before.

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_

_Remembering the first time I had stumbled into your apartment, opening the doors for me and me becoming shy and more overwhelmed each moment by our love. How I scanned around the apartment, and throwing off my shoes spotting your room and dragging you with me. Remembering seeing your colonel laid out, and the axe that you smelt of. I had been a fool in love. So blinded by it. Still, you flicked on the tv while I just stared into your hazel eyes, looking at your wavy blonde hair and thinking, ' How lucky am I?..' With that our eyes met and our lips pressed against one another, rolling on the bed still our eyes beaming against one another's. _

_Feeling your hands touching my bare back, feeling almost nervous yet so excited, but afraid what could happen. For an hour we continued, as I laid on top of you, looking down feeling like the most beautiful girl in the world, feeling like I was the only one. I don't think both of us realized that something as beautiful as that could have an end. I was too stupid, too entranced to realize it would happen. You looking straight into my eyes and gingerly telling me you ' loved me' and back then I could tell you meant every word. _

_I had to rush out pretty soon because your mother was coming home, and of course it would bad if I had been around. Still, being gutsy I looked at you and asked sweetly for a couple of minutes which basically almost turned into an hour. You had to pick me up, from your bedroom as I understood clearly I had to part, as much as I hated it. Leaving the door partly open kissing real quick before I sped off._

_Ever since then, that's all I had on my mind. My friends didn't seem to matter. I lost myself in you, so badly I never found my way out of it. _

_The time at the park was funny as hell. The snow was just starting to melt, and your friend was fighting with mine in a stupid little fight. I remember him throwing her pants down to her knees for the whole world to see, while we sat back in laughter kissing in-between feeling like life was so perfect. Remember you running towards me, that literally knocked me off my feet as somehow I managed to lay on top of you as we kissed each other. Even when we laid on the park bench, every moment was memorable. Especially when I was there with you at your apartment, and especially the park.

* * *

_

_Now, I'm lost without you it seems. Even after dating a million guys none of them did it for me. None were the same. The loving feeling wasn't the same at all. I found myself staring at the places we had been, and found my eyes hazing with tears. Even walking past your apartment and now, leaves me feeling abused and hurt, like I'm walking on thin ice. But yet smiling knowing our memories are, and always will be there. Now were two different people, instead of one. We hated each other, because of those reasons, trying not too look back on the past and what we once were. Slowly I've accepted this is how it's gonna be now. I may not be as close, but when I'm around you the feeling still feels the same as it once did._

_I always wondered did you really burned the letters I gave you? Did you ever think of me that way after all this, or I was nothing to you at all? You've moved on, and I'm glad you can, but I exactly can't. I felt I needed to write this to you, even if it means nothing to you, it means something to me. You were the best thing that happened to me, and always will be._

_So would it be out of line to say if I missed you? Probably….

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Author's Notes: Well all that was based on someone I was crazy about. I don't care how it sounds just something that needed to be off my chest.


	2. In a Heartbeat

_I would have liked to tell you this in person but, I know I can't talk to you since what happened I know you, probably wouldn't want to. Right now there's so much to say to you and it's harder to write down on here but it's something I'm willing to do anyways.

* * *

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_You meant a lot to me, and I never realized how much you needed something until it was gone. I remember always feeling upset and you were always there making me smile and laugh when all I wanted to do was cry. No matter how I was feeling you made me feel better even in the worst of days. Even when I didn't want to tell you what was wrong you always managed to get it out of me, and make it as though those problems never existed. I loved how you could do that, and you made it seem so easy when no one else could._

_You always picked up on how I felt way before anyone else could, and the fact I couldn't to you, cause well, I'm a bad liar. But still, you made me feel happier then ever before and you made it seem so damn easy!_

_You'd make me laugh with your stupid remarks and jokes; and to be truthful, I've never laughed so hard in my life. When I was around you my problems and worries just all faded away and I never understood why until now. You made an effort with me, and fought with me until you saw a smile on my face. I miss hanging out around you and talking about everything from the dumbest things, to the hardest things. That one day when I had been crying so bad, I went to you in hopes you could cheer me up and you did, even though you barely said a word and to be honest you didn't need to. Remembering how we talked about plans in the summer, and how you tried to include me in on it. I missed all that, I really do and the fact we teased each other pretty badly. I miss all that, and it hurts so badly and the fact I know it's my fault, and I can't take back my mistake.

* * *

_

_I never thought it was possible to lose someone who seemed so close to you, but well I proved myself wrong. I miss a lot of things and even more with each passing day. Even making fun of 'Kouga' made me laugh. To me everything was normal one minute, and now everything has changed. I know I have myself to blame for all this, and I'm regretting every single minute of it. If I could go back and undo what I did, I'd do it in a heartbeat. _

_I miss all of this, and knowing were nothing anymore kills me even more. I never thought this was possible but sadly it is. It's a mistake that can't be fixed like so many others. It's amazing how quick and done with this it is, when I'm believing everything's the same. Now when I see you ignoring me, and not saying a word and it makes me remember what has happened. You ripped me away so fast, as though I never meant anything to you, but I understand I screwed you big time and now I'm paying for it._

_I just wanted you to know how sorry I feel, and how much I mean it, and how much you did mean to me.

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Author's Notes: This was a letter originally for one my friends I currently lost because well I made a small mistake that turned into a big one. But I made it in this from Kagome's POV in a letter to Inuyasha. Worst thing you can have is have the guilt on your shoulders knowing you lost a friendship because it was your fault, basically a mistake I'd take back in a heartbeat.


	3. The Ghost of You

_Kagome I don't think you understand what you've done to me. I've forgiven you many times for almost everything, and all you seem you've been doing lately is apologizing to me. Don't expect me to forgive you, and welcome you with open arms and make things go back to normal! No, they never will be. I did care about you a lot before all this, and yet you managed to screw it up once more. You try to get people to ask me what's going on, and try to write me notes. I told you I can never forgive you. I'm sorry I just can't.

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_I thought I nee It's better off without you. Then you won't be able to hurt me anymore, only self.

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_So thank yourself Kagome for all this pain and the tears because honestly, I'm not going to be there anymore. I'm not going to be there when you need me the most, and I'm not going to be there to catch your tears anymore. Learn to move on, and realize this is how things are going to be. So thank yourself for this mess. _


	4. Thank You for the Venom

_Kagome I don't think you understand what you've done to me. I've forgiven you many times for almost everything, and all you seem you've been doing lately is apologizing to me. Don't expect me to forgive you, and welcome you with open arms and make things go back to normal! No, they never will be. I did care about you a lot before all this, and yet you managed to screw it up once more. You try to get people to ask me what's going on, and try to write me notes. I told you I can never forgive you. I'm sorry I just can't._

_I thought I needed you in my life, but you made it clear when you fucked up and did it really well. You thought everything was going to be fine like it usually does? You didn't realize who this really affected. You make yourself seem like the damn victim, and I know you try to place the blame on me. I have your letters still, but that isn't going to change the fact I will not forgive you. I would love things to go back to normal again, but they can't and they never will be. You do have a big mouth, like I've said a dozen times. All your good at is screwing things up, aren't you? We went through relationships and dozen times, and you had to ruin our friendship as well. It's better off without you. Then you won't be able to hurt me anymore, only self.

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_I love how your still trying to fix things, yet your trying to ruin my life because yours isn't perfect anymore. Just because I'm not in your life you've become worse, and saying how much you hate me, that's really going to make me forgive you for everything. Your trying to ruin my life and I can see it clearly. You know now nothing will go back, but yet you try to ruin me and my life, in order to feel complete don't you?

* * *

So thank yourself Kagome for all this pain and the tears because honestly, I'm not going to be there anymore. I'm not going to be there when you need me the most, and I'm not going to be there to catch your tears anymore. Learn to move on, and realize this is how things are going to be. So thank yourself for this mess._

* * *

You can't stand it, that one of your friends that I once fought with is now becoming close with me the minute ours ended. The fact that your trying to stab me back by becoming friends with my new girlfriend. I knew you were stubborn, but not like this. It amazes me Kagome, how far you'll go just to get your point across.

* * *

_The last thing I needed was you to somehow appear in my life again. Becoming friends with my girlfriend? I'm sure that just happened by accident. I bet your aiming to hurt me badly, making me feel the same pain you feel right now. I never realized what a bitch you could be Kagome, now that were against each other in this mess. You have to be around someway and becoming friends with her, could be the worst thing you could do. You'll still be around and I think you had this planned how when you found out me and her liked each other. How low can you go Kagome? Still if you think being around me in any way is going to make me forgive you, then **give up well you still can.** _


	5. Cemetery Drive

_You really believe I'd ever do that to you? Sink that low just to be around you again? Inuyasha look it seems that way doesn't it? I'll admit I was mad enough to say things I didn't mean but I would never hurt you that way, that's the last thing I would ever want to do. It's not my fault I became friends with her, it happened before I had even had the clue you two liked each other. I understand you just want me out of your life anyway possible, and being friends with your girlfriend just doesn't cut it for you, does it? To be honest I never knew it was going to lead into another bigger problem like this. But seriously my mistake or not, grow up. You can't break our friendship. It's unfortunate for you that her and I have become good friends, and the fact you've become her boyfriend.

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_You think I really love the situation were in? Then I'll have to see you almost everyday when I truly want to see her. So don't blame me, and saying I'm trying to hurt you! You meant everything to me, but now all we do is hate each other or move away if you see me around you. She's a nice girl Inuyasha, and sometimes I don't think you deserve that. All I want to do is get along with you, but your too stubborn to let me. I made a mistake, and you let me go so easily!_

_You think your hurting? I'm hurting just as bad. Knowing it was my fault, and knowing you can't forgive me for one simple mistake. Just throwing everything we had just like that, as though it doesn't matter anymore. All I want to do is become friends again, but I know that's out of the question with you. Your probably too afraid to talk to me because your afraid there will be a chance we could be close again, and that's not what you want.

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_Inuyasha your making this harder than this really is! Look I know your girlfriend she won't like you if you act the way your acting now, around me. You know I could hurt you worse. Telling everything I know about you, but be lucky I'm not like the rest of the people you know. Learn to grow up Inuyasha, because whether you like this or not this is how things are going to be. Don't expect me to break a friendship because of the situation, just learn to deal with it, or don't at all.

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Author's Notes: Well depends how you look at things.Who do you really think is right and wrong in all this? Inuyasha, or Kagome?


	6. Okay, I Believe You

_Look Kagome I thought maybe this could be for the best. You've let me down many times, and this was the last straw for me that's all. If your not near me then you can't hurt me right? Wrong. I'm taking this just as bad as you are believe it or not, and I don't even have a fucking clue why I'm responding back to these letters of yours. It's pointless.

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_I need to move on, yet you hold me back all the time! I'm surprised your not trying to ruin me, after all after what you've said and all it just amazes me. The last thing I did need was to have you spring back into my life, and when you gave me the last letter it just hit me. This fight has been going on a hell of a lot longer than I thought, and maybe it was wrong of me to do this to you. I mean, I thought I could move on and I didn't think I needed you but I do.

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_I feel like such an asshole now that I think of it. I should of gave you a second chance, but you just got me so mad and this is what happened! When you wrote how much you missed me, and the fond memories you had well I couldn't help but miss them. I do miss you a lot, and it's so hard to ignore you through all this. I thought maybe this would all blow over and I could go in the opposite direction without you but I just damn well can't. I never knew you felt so strong about that friendship, and maybe this was the worst idea I had in mind, the worst idea you had as well. After all it had been your fault, but after all friends should forgive each other shouldn't they?

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_I miss a lot of the same things you do, and I guess it hurts us more just to push each other away. I thought this was what I wanted, and I guess I screwed it up in a way too. I miss teasing you, and being there when you needed me the most. Sounds sappy but it's basically true. Look I know I hurt you, and I can tell just from the things you wrote and what I've heard._

_It may be too late to fix it, I mean maybe we can regain our friendship back again. It's worth a shot. If your able to forgive me, then I'll forgive you just the same. It's just not the same without you anymore…

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	7. Interlude

_Funny how before you were all mad at me, and now things have magically changed. To be honest you hurt me a lot, more than you'll ever believe. I never thought it was possible to lose your best friend but I did, didn't I? I mean if you really were sure of the decision you wouldn't be acting like you are now about it If you really meant what you said, then you wouldn't reply back to my letters, or even say you care. Obviously you made a mistake now didn't you? Plus if you don't care then why did you have stare at me when I walked past you? You had your girlfriend right beside you but yet I felt your eyes follow me, even my friends witnessed it. You can't make up your mind can you? Your regretting the mistake you had, as well as I did.

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_How come you care now, after all the pain you placed me through. Now your going back on your decision saying you want to become friends now? I don't think you realized what you did, and I'm beginning to think it's not worth it anymore to become friends again. I hate being around you Inuyasha, this is almost like a game to me. I don't want to feel like you've got the best of me, and sometimes I think you've had. I couldn't be around my friends since you were coming. _

_

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_. Do you expect me now to forgive you and be all happy? Cause I'm not. I thought maybe being friends again would work, but something is telling me otherwise. This is a game. Someone is either going to win or lose. I know for sure none of us is winning….and you never will. How do you enjoy feeling rejected and making a simple mistake? Now you know how I feel, don't you?

* * *

Maybe I'll do the same thing, and never forgive you like you did to me. How do you like it now, Inuyasha?_


	8. To The End

_It's clear your mad at me, and of course even if it is considered your fault. But before you wanted us to become friends and now your just changing your mind? Look I'm trying to give you another chance and a chance for things to go back to normal again. Of course I said things I didn't mean to, and you weren't the only one getting hurt so don't even dare think that._

_It's either you want to fix it or not, and maybe you want to whatever fuck make up your mind Kagome! _

_

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_Look Inuyasha I never thought you'd give me a chance anyways, you sounded like you were done with me, and I was just fed up and mad that's all. Seriously you did care when you tell your girlfriend to tell me you 'fucking hate me?' Well funny thing is, I wanted to fight back and I just wasn't going to sink to your level. You're the one telling me to walk ahead because you couldn't stand to me near me? You caused me enough pain just trying to fight with me, and that showed me you still cared underneath. I don't know if I'm even flattered that you care or not anymore. _

_Remember it's not like I'm forget all the mean things you've said, and the torment and the suffering you tried to put me through. Throughout this whole thing you've tried to make me upset and care, tried everything to get my attention good or bad. You know the minute I really didn't care you automatically had to start something didn't you!

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_Look I'm afraid that our friendship won't be the same anymore after this fight. I want it to work, just I don't know how to explain it. I'm afraid these things are going to happen again and maybe even worse. I guess we both cared all along didn't we? Well Inuyasha, maybe we can work something out and hope for the best. _


	9. I Hate Myself For Losing You

_Look Inuyasha I was surprised I gather the strength to call you after all this. I mean I was scared. I mean I told myself I was going to quit since I've called you a couple times and you never really answered. So the moment I wanted to quit you answered. I was so scared, you have no idea. Like I assumed you hated me and all, and it was so different to talk to you after this long fight. I mean my friends tried to bother you about it, and I don't blame you for walking away. I'm just wondering if were going to become what we once were or not. You don't understand how scared I feel. I mean, I never expected you to pick up the phone and talk with me as long as you did. I just hope I get an answer out of you soon, so I can move on with this.

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_Kagome, I don't hate you. It's all a lie. Maybe I said that out of anger but I really couldn't no matter what you've done. I just didn't know if this could be fixed, since well it looked over with me. But I can't promise you anything. I mean it was odd to hear your voice, but I couldn't help but listen. I want to believe we can work this out, and I got a lot on my mind. I understand your sorry, but I don't know if we can fix this. I'll I know Kagome is I'll think about it, and someday give you your answer… _


End file.
